My Very First Date

I’m a 20 year old girl who’s never been in a relationship or had her first kiss. So this date was very nerve-wracking for me. So I met this guy through the wonderful, magic, world of TINDER! LOL. I never thought I’d download Tinder, but my roomies (who are older than me) convinced me. I’ve always been a believer in meeting guys the natural way, but considering the fact that I’m introverted and don’t have any dating experience, I decided to give it a try. I was so skeptical that it would only be guys looking for a hookup, but I was pleasantly surprised that there are actually a lot of good guys on here! Anyways, back to the story. So the guy I met was named James and boy let me tell you, he had glorious arms. He was wearing a green and black plaid button up and a black short sleeve underneath, and once he took his plaid shirt off, all eyes were on his arms. He’s 21 (but 2 years older, just has a late birthday) and he’s taking an IT program. Over text he was really nice and super flirty so I was super excited about meeting him. He was from one city over, so he drove 20 minutes to pick me up, such a gentleman 🙂 We went to this bubble tea and board game shop, but we just got bbt and talked the whole time. We got along and had similar tastes in music and tv shows, but there was a lot of small awkward pauses. We got along more like friends rather than as potential partners. I think I was also overthinking it and taking it too seriously. I was super nervous, and I could tell he was too. When we ran out of questions, I was trying so hard to think of other things to talk about, but it was so hard. He was putting in an equal amount of effort, but I don’t know, we just didn’t click. We didn’t have that natural spark. After an hour and a half, I was like “Should we get going?” and he was like “Yeah” so then he dropped me home. We didn’t really break the ice. I feel like if we were given more time and a change of scenery we might have hit it off better. Anyways, afterwards I texted him “Thanks for tonight 🙂 it was nice meeting you” and he replied “Yeah for sure, I’m glad you had fun” and that was the end of it. When I got home, my roomies wanted to hear all about it, but the only way I could describe it was that it went okay. When my one roomie heard there was a bunch of little pauses, she was like “that’s where you ask more questions! you have to keep talking!” And then when she heard that at the end we didn’t hug, she was like “Wow, so it really went that bad hey?” Apparently, if the date went well you usually hug the guy because it gives a little bit of skin contact. Which makes sense to me now, because if I don’t hug them or have any physical contact, then won’t it seem like we’re just friends? Anyways, I made a mental note of that, so that on my next date I remember to hug them if it went well. So no, we never spoke again, and yes we are still matched on Tinder so the convo is still there. Truthfully, I’ll be a little sad when he unmatches later on because he was my first ever real date. I’m really glad he was my first date, he was a really good guy. It was also a really good learning experience, so now I know for the next date to ask more questions to really break the ice and get to know the guy.

Ps. Expect another Tinder Date post, because I’m going on my second one in a few days!

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Sierra Burgess Is A Loser: A Review

I was initially very excited to watch this movie considering The Kissing Booth and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before were both teen rom-coms that Netflix did a great job at making. I thought Sierra Burgess Is A Loser would live up to those expectations, but BOY WAS I WRONG. Let me just make a list of all the reasons why this movie sucked.

1. The offensive jokes

Sure, it’s a movie about a teenage girl who’s considered “undesirable” so of course they have to showcase the reality of her life and school environment. And as we know every school has it’s bullies, but who said it was okay to make offensive jokes?

“Maybe yours can be about your trans experience”

“One thing that does differentiate a college resume is Schizophrenia.”

*Sierra sees boy she’s catfishing* *Pretends to be deaf*

Making fun of trans people is not okay. Making fun of Schizophrenia is not okay. And pretending to be deaf is NOT OKAY. I have no idea what the writer of the film was thinking! It makes me wonder if the writer thought about what it might feel like to be an outsider, someone who’s socially unacceptable or undesirable and is therefore oppressed. It’s not funny to make fun of people who have transitioned into the person they were meant to be. It’s not funny to make fun of a mental illness that is uncontrollable. It also isn’t funny to make fun of deaf people when there are millions of deaf people in the world who don’t get the same opportunities as hearing people. After watching Switched At Birth (a show that showcases and celebrates deaf culture), I can at least imagine some of the daily struggles people from the deaf community might face.

2. They completely missed the mark

The lead actress is not the typical girl that is cast for romantic comedies. Everyone assumed she was going to represent the feelings and realities of other girls that go unnoticed, but they completely missed the mark!!! Before the movie, everyone was under the impression that this movie would be a coming-of-age teen movie about an insecure “fat and ugly girl” who finally gets the guy of her dreams. Everyone thought she would be a great representation of what life is actually like for people who don’t have the advantage of being physically beautiful. But there were so many distractions! There wasn’t any focus. We saw Sierra struggling with her appearance only when she was talking to her parents, crying, and when she made a song. The movie had so much potential and I know that there were people who felt her feelings of sadness when she said

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a teenage girl and look like this?”

I FELT that. BUT Sierra being a plus-sized lead actress didn’t even have much to do with the plot. They could have played off of her insecurities and showed Sierra finding self-love and confidence, instead of being this crazy catfish who’s selfish and mean to her friends. When she heard Spence badmouthing Veronica, she didn’t even warn her and it made me so mad! And then she went and hacked her account to humiliate her and call her Moronica, when it clearly was a sensitive word to her. Those scenes really showed Sierra’s true colours, and it showed that she was only a selfish vindictive bitch who has victim mentality.

3. They played off creepy/stalker-like behaviour as cute

In no way, shape, or form, is catfishing cute. It’s not cute to lie about your identity and pretend to be someone else. The weirdest thing about the movie, was how they played off Sierra acting creepy, as cute! The movie tip-toed into psychological thriller territory! She stared at Jamey’s pictures during class. She literally manipulated her friend into helping her catfish a guy. She followed them on dates and listened to their conversations behind their seats and UNDERNEATH the car, and then she engaged in a NON CONSENSUAL KISS! This part was the absolute worst for me to watch. They giggled and played it off as a cute scene, but it was downright creepy! Imagine yourself in that position. If I were to kiss someone and open my eyes to see someone else, I would be freaked the fuck out! Not to mention, if the movie were different and it was an ugly guy chasing after a hot girl, the outcome would be completely different.

4. There were so many plot holes

Where was Sierra’s character development? Where was Jamey’s screen time so we could grow with him and love his character? I know I didn’t see it! The only good character from the movie was Veronica, and Sierra did her so dirty. Also, where was Sierra’s body-positive revelation? Because that’s what we were all expecting. And where was the scenes of Jamey realizing Sierra is not actually deaf and then finding out he was catfished? Cause I know I’d like to see his reactions to being catfished and offended from her pretending to be deaf while his little brother actually is. Also, what did Veronica say to Jamey? We never got to see what she said, and never got to see Jamey’s face, reactions, and his contemplation on whether or not he should go see Sierra. We missed so much!!! There were so many scenes that could have been added to the movie, to make it better but instead they just inserted a useless party scene where Sierra doesn’t warn Veronica about Sleezeball Spence, and goes home only to drunk call Jamey and almost tell him her identity. Instead of a movie about Sierra’s love life, most of the movie was about her friendship with “mean girl” Veronica, who was the only character that showed growth! When Veronica said that she should have gone for a good guy like Jamey who was smart and funny, they should have done more! They should have included scenes of Veronica actually falling for Jamey, to test the foundation of Veronica and Sierra’s friendship. There were just so many areas they could have developed, and so many relevant scenes that could have been added, that weren’t.

In Conclusion: 

Sierra Burgess is a selfish bitch who thinks her behaviour is excused because she’s not as pretty as other girls, and uses her victim mentality to manipulate others for her own personal gain. I 100% would not recommend. If you want a good rom-com, you might as well re-watch The Kissing Booth and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.

Rating: 1/10 (would have been a 0 but Noah Centineo was in it so it gets 1 star)

5 things I realized in 2nd year

Since school is almost over, I’m starting to really feel the uneasiness. I’ve been calculating my possible averages, trying to see what grade I might end up with. But all in all, university is just hard! I still can’t believe how big of a jump it is to go from high school to university. I never thought that it would have so many differences, but anyways I thought I might make out a list of some realizations I’ve made about myself for my second year of university:

  1. I still don’t know how to study. You would think that because now I’m in second year, I would have a clue at how to be successful like all the other upper years, but I’m still as clueless as I was when I was in first year! Maybe it’ll get better next term though, since I’m taking online classes for the summer. My motivation will really be tested then haha.
  2. I still have a hard time making friends. When I was a little kid, I always knew I wanted to go to university. I thought I would have a decent student life, but it actually gets even harder to make friends! There’s over 37 thousand students at my school, and the fact that we all have different schedules does not make it any easier. If I were to go back in time, I would have lived in residence like most of the other first years. But I still don’t regret living off-campus. When I moved out for the first time, I learnt how to do everything on my own, and I really grew from that.
  3. Finding the motivation to do assignments is still really hard. I know the due dates, I write them all down. But it’s still so hard to try and get a jumpstart on assignments when new episodes of Shadowhunters and Jessica Jones come out on Netflix! hahaha. I’m still guilty of starting assignments the day before, and today I even handed in an assignment 4 days late. But hey, it’s better to hand in something rather than nothing.
  4. Stress really does take a toll on your body. There were two times this semester where I was extremely stressed, and I found that my body really was affected by it. My eye would randomly twitch, my neck would hurt, and my period ended up coming 9 days late. Under extreme stress, I felt like my head was gonna explode! I had so many things in my head, that I couldn’t even properly think. But moral of the story is, I just have to remember that school is only school. It is such a small part of my life that will be over before I know it, and then my life will finally move forward.
  5. Self care is extremely important. Before this semester, I didn’t really think too much about self care and what I was doing. That was until I met my social work teacher. She made us get into our small groups each week to talk about how our week went, what happened in the news, and what we’re doing for self care. I didn’t realize how important it was, until I hit those two peaks of high stress. I would find myself so down and out of it that when I got home, that I couldn’t stop crying for hours on end. But also, hearing of the two recent suicides on campus really just reminded me to take care of my mental health. Because school is only school. At the end of the day, my mental health is far more important than a grade.

These were my top 5 realizations for second year. If you’re in school too, comment down below! I’d love to hear your experiences/realizations about yourself as well!

 

This Is Us Season 1 Review

It’s been quite a while since I’ve last blogged, but I’m back and here with a TV show review!!

So, I recently discovered This Is Us on Netflix. I heard that it was good from a few people, but I wasn’t too excited about it. But one day when I was scrolling through Netflix, I hit play for This Is Us. And let me tell you, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! I even got my mom into it!

I’m not sure where to start, but let’s start with the storyline.

So Mandy Moore aka Rebecca marries a guy named Jack, and they finally decide to have kids and end up with triplets. One of the babies didn’t make it, but by luck Randall was dropped off at the same hospital on the same day that their children were born, so they took Randall home with them as well. Fast forward to the future, the 3 siblings are all grown up and are all facing their own challenges in life.

So here are my loves, hates, and favourites:

What I loved about this show was it’s complex storyline. I love love love family drama’s. I’ve been watching them since I was a kid and I’ve always preferred to watch family dramas over high school dramas, so this show was right up my alley. Another thing that I love about this show is its impeccable ability at going back to the past to further explain the present. It’s so nice seeing their old characters because for me, it feels like I’m really getting to know their past and present self. It makes me feel more connected to the characters, and connection is everything!!!

What I hated about the show was probably Kevin’s character. He’s portrayed as this hotshot actor who humbles himself by going into theatre, but I feel like he has his head up his ass at almost all times. He’s also extremely attached to Kate to the point where it’s annoying, but I know they’re twins so I feel like I should give some leeway to their situation. I also don’t like how he handles his relationship with Randall (but I also may be biased because Randall is probably my favourite character, aside from the adorable Annie!). Anyways, I wish they kind of kept Kevin’s character as the hotshot Manny actor the same throughout the season. I feel like he’s able to pull off that popular, selfish, sleazy kind of character better than the humble guy that he’s turning out to be.

My favourite part of this season, was not a scene, but a person. I fell in love with William’s character. I didn’t know I could grow so attached to a character until I met William. His character was so considerate, and sweet. He was always thinking of what was in the best interest of others. He handled himself so gracefully, especially when first confronted by Randall. I still remember watching the scene where William opened the letter from Rebecca explaining why he couldn’t meet him. He was crying while holding the letter and a picture of Randall when he was 9. Then he put it in a book called “Poems For My Son.” I can’t believe how much I cried after watching this scene. It was almost as bad as how hard I cried after William died. I really truly wish they kept him around longer. I wasn’t ready for him to leave. I feel like if they introduced William at an earlier stage like maybe stage 1 or 2 of his illness, it would have been better. Nonetheless, I will never forget his character. It truly left a lasting impact on me, and as I come back for the second time to finish writing this post, I’m crying again over William. The first time I was writing this, I had to stop because of how hard I was crying (I know, dramatic much), but I really just had such a hard time with his death. I still have a hard time. I feel so robbed, and I feel like Randall was robbed of ever getting to know his father, all because of Rebecca!!! I will never be okay with how she handled it. I will never feel like her actions were justified. Randall was so happy when he was with William and I wish so badly that I could have seen them interact just a little bit longer. The fact that William saved his “Poems for My Son” book for decades, literally broke my heart. I think this will just have to be one of those awful TV deaths, that I’ll never be okay with. I hope that for season 2, I’ll be able to see all of the poems that William wrote for Randall.

In conclusion, I love this show, and I bet you do too if you’ve made it this far. I’m aware that season 2 is finished, but it’s not up on Netflix yet so I haven’t been able to binge.

So, What were your thoughts on season 1? What did you love/hate? And what were your favourite moments?

 

The Missing Part

It’s been years since I’ve truly had a crush on someone. And though nothing ever came out of that three year crush, I still miss the feeling of being interested in someone. I miss the feeling of wanting to be around him, I miss the feeling of wanting to talk to him, and I miss wondering where he was or what he was doing in that moment.

But I don’t miss him, I miss the feeling.

I forgot how long it’s been since I’ve actually crushed on someone who wasn’t on my TV screen. I don’t even remember what it’s like to genuinely have a crush on someone, and not just lust after them. After I moved, I haven’t found anyone I’ve been seriously interested in. Let’s just say that my last crush set the bar really high.

Maybe 2018 will be my year. Maybe this will be the year I finally come out of my shell and join the dating scene. But the thing is, I don’t want to date around. I just want to date one person. I don’t care about gaining experience and testing the waters. I just want to experience one person. I just wish the right guy would show up in front of me, and save me the trouble of having to look.

Maybe it’s just me being too picky. But I want an easy love. I want it to be effortless and beautiful. I want my first love to be memorable.

It’s so weird being an inexperienced 19 year old girl. I’ve never kissed a guy, dated a guy, much less had sex with a guy. But the weirder thing is that most people don’t believe that I’ve never dated or done anything with a guy.

“But you’re so pretty!” they said

“But you’re literally gorgeous” they said

But I don’t think they understand that it’s harder to meet people when you’re an introvert.

I don’t think they understand that it’s harder for me to make friends, meet boys, and get out of my comfort zone.

I feel like compared to other kids my age, I’m far behind.

 

But maybe 2018 will be my year.

Just maybe.

Goodbye, My Fry Friends

This Wednesday marks the end of my career.

(I work at a fast food restaurant in the mall that specializes in poutines, ~so Canadian~ I know)

This goodbye is a hard one for me to accept. This was my first job and my first time actually experiencing the workplace environment, and my time here has been extremely positive.

At first, I hated it. I was shy and didn’t know anyone.

But now I feel like I’m in such a good place that it’s almost difficult for me to say goodbye. I never usually push too hard when it comes to developing friendships, because I feel like it should always come naturally. But with everyone at my work I worked really hard to get to know everyone. I tried my best and put in a lot of effort, even if i was uncomfortable, because I wanted to have a good working environment. I wanted to ask all those questions and hear all those answers because I wanted to get to know them. I wanted to get along well with everyone.

And now that I’m comfortable, I’m forced to leave.

I know that staying wouldn’t benefit me at all. I mean, I need an education. I need to move on with my life, and continue to strive for better.

I’ll really miss this feeling of comfort. But I know that when you’re not constantly challenged, you miss out on the opportunity to grow.

Crossroads

As I’m due to go back to school soon, I can’t help but constantly contemplate my future.

What will I study? What are my options? What if I’m not happy with my classes? What can I do with my degree after I graduate? The possible questions are endless.

My life in a few months will quite literally be an example of jumping into the unknown. And although there’s so many possibilities, there are a few things that I’m certain of.

What I do know is that I need to get a 3 year degree. I want to go for a 3 year degree instead of a 4 year degree because screw school, it’s way too hard and way too much money. It doesn’t matter what degree, just any 3 year degree to open up more doors for me. I’ve always liked the idea of becoming a teacher, so a 3 year degree would open up the opportunity of taking the two year teachers program to become a real teacher. But if at the end of my degree I’m still unsure about teaching, I could always teach english abroad for a bit, just to get a taste of the working world of a teacher, then decide if I want to continue with a teachers program. But even though the road to becoming a teacher seems pretty clear to me, I’m still so undecided. I know I could make it easier on myself, and just go for something that seems like a great future for me, I mean there are lots of teaching jobs abroad and at home (and don’t tell me the job market for teachers is bad right now, because currently there’s a need for teachers up north), but the problem with me is that I just can’t settle. I can’t put my mind to one thing, when I’m still fixated on so many other things. After my first year of university, I realized that I have such a huge range of interests, which makes it even harder for me to narrow down a specific one.

My ultimate goal in life, is to be happy. I want to be happy with my future job, and I want it to feel like I’m doing something productive and helpful to my community. But I also want freedom. I want the freedom to choose my own hours and to choose how little or how much work I do. After I got my first job a few months ago in fast food, my desire to become financially independent grew and I know that right now it sounds silly since I still live at home, but that’s one of my goals that I want to reach within the next 5, 10 years. Another one of my goals or at least hopes, is that I can stray away from the 9-5 desk job. I want to have movement, freedom, and flexibility. I want to be able to live and work like a digital nomad, but minus the constant moving. I know that I can’t have the world, and that life is all about compromise but I just don’t want to settle for anything less than what makes me happy.

So to end off my ramblings, as of right now, here’s the (hopeful) plan.

I plan to take a three year degree. I plan on trying my hand at speech communication, because it’s interesting, but also seems to leave me with many options at the end. If not communications, possibly anthropology or history because I’m really interested in both subjects, it’s just I have to choose what’s best for the job market. My only concern with speech communication, is this one mandatory class called Public Speaking. I know it’s a communications degree, and public speaking is obviously expected of me, but I’m just the worst at it. I was reading reviews of the class, and it seems that there are 4 speeches and 1 surprise speech. So, I could literally walk into class one day and my professor could tell me “It’s your lucky day!” I would be mortified. I also don’t have enough life experience to be able to give any speeches about myself or any of my interests. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. I need to think of the here and now while keeping the future in mind, without obsessing over the one mandatory class I know I’ll struggle with.

I just need to trust my instincts. I need to trust that whatever I choose will be a good fit for me and for the future job market.

PS. If you made it to the end of this post, I APPLAUD you. I am always rambling and overthinking just about everything. It’s all because I worry too much. I need to learn how to trust myself, and remember to breathe.